6 ways to make friends (and not be a jerk) in 2019
Listen… just for a minute.
We have got to stop. I see adults… some of them 60 years old… and they are arguing with people they’ve never met on a computer about people they’ve never talked to in real life. And I just don’t see the point.
We are so fragile and broken and opinionated… and wrong. Having more conversations focused on pushing your opinion down the other person’s throat are not going to solve the problem. But connection, friendships, understanding, empathy… those are all roads to a world of people that care for one another.
I have no idea how to actually solve this problem, but here are some basic ways that we can start making friends and stop being jerks in 2019:
Start with humility. You are not right. I am not right. And as long as we continue to think we are, we completely missed the point of relationships and human interaction. It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about being better together. We can solve bigger problems and make a bigger impact, if we can start with the idea that someone else might actually have a better idea or perspective than we do.
Stop making hard problems seem easy. Realize that those issues you’re arguing about are much more complex than you think they are. If you believe a problem that affects 1 million or 50 million or 100 million people can be solved by your one-sentence solution, see number 1.
Stop with the labels already. If you think you can use a single word (e.g., “liberal”) to define the complexity that is wrapped into a human mind, body and soul then… see number 1. When trying to make your point, here’s a list of labels that you should never use in a negative context unless you’re trying to divide our country: Democrats, Republicans, “white people”, “black people” (or any other race-related label), liberals, conservatives… etc. Stop talking about the group and start talking about the ideas and issues that you disagree with. We can have meaningful discussions about ideas, but discussions about groups get us nowhere. If you want to see an awesome example of breaking down the label mindset, check out this video.
It’s okay to listen and NOT give your opinion. Seriously. You can listen to someone talk and even have him or her say things that you disagree with… and not give your own opinion. Listening without speaking is a lost art. If you think it’s important to always give your opinion… see number 1. I have a lot of work to do to get this one right.
Smile more. We are just walking around looking for something to be offended by. Stop that and smile more. These little things matter. Wave to your neighbor. Smile at the person in line in front of you.
Slow down. We are all in a hurry for no apparent reason. I’ve seen people lose their darn mind over someone sitting at a stoplight for exactly 3 seconds. If we sit at a restaurant and the person that is cooking our food and delivering it to us like kings and queens gets an earful if they take an extra 10 minutes. Settle down people. Settle down. It seems that the rate at which we live and the entitlement we feel are very closely related. Take a chance to breathe… it’s all going to be okay if your number 8 takes another 45 seconds to make. I promise. 🙂
We are better than we are living right now. You are better than you are living right now. Take some time and think about which of these 6 rules you’ve broken over the last week (I’m certain that I’ve broken 4). Then, see where you can be better next week. Good luck!