The perception of us
I struggled with insecurity for a very long time. My first mind shift around insecurity (there have been many) came from the most unlikely of sources.
Quite a few years ago, I was working at General Electric as part of a co-op program. As part of that program, every student had to give a presentation each week on the progress of our projects. I love giving presentations and talking in front of groups.
After each presentation, we went around the room and critiqued the presenter. I was always super nervous leading up to my presentation (insecurity be damned!). I would take days to hone my slideshow. I would give the talk to myself in the mirror a dozen times before I gave it to the small group. I’d show up an hour early to test the projector and run through the exact presentation in the room where I’d be giving it. I was kind of a mess.
Because none of us knew each other that well, the critiques that came with the first couple of talks were as expected:
“You did great.”
“I can’t think of any way to make it better.”
“Maybe fix the font size on slide 7.”
You know, the usual shallow feedback from a group that is afraid of offending a peer. But then came week 3…
In week 3 people started getting honest. I was up third and heard some pretty honest feedback from the first two talks. That honesty didn’t help my anxiety. I’ll say I was “less than perfect” at accepting feedback. On the surface, I accepted it well. But I beat myself up for weeks after any criticism. Definitely not a healthy practice, and I practiced it for way to long.
I gave my presentation, which went fairly well. Then the silence came. The silence between the end of my presentation and the beginning of the feedback seemed as long as a sleepless night. Finally, someone spoke up.
“It’s very obvious when you’ve given all of your presentations that you’re very confident.”
Ummmm… what?!?! Me? Confident? Hahahahaha
But in that moment, I had an epiphany. There is a giant chasm between our internal feelings and the external perception of us.
On the surface, I know that you know this. But have you ever thought about how deep this well really goes?
One of the most valuable pieces of information we can gather is how we are perceived by those people that care about us most. The people that truly have our best interest in mind. The people that understand us best and love us anyway.
So what if…
What if we could see that we come across as confident and therefore actually become more confident?
What if we could see that we come across as insecure and have a truthful conversation about our insecurities so that we can work through them?
What if we could see that we are stressed and that we’re taking it out on the people closest to us so that we could address the real problem - the stress - and do something to lessen it?
What if we could see that we are the best person in our community at connecting people with their passion so that we could use that skill to further the whole community?
What if we’re wrong about being ugly? Or dumb? Or judged?
What if you’re wrong? What if they actually are saying nice things behind your back?
There is power in perception when we accept that the perception of us may be more beneficial than the reality of how we see ourselves.
We can use perception to grow and transform and connect. We can use perception to deepen relationships. But most of all, we can use perception to gain a massive amount of self-awareness.
That may seem counterintuitive - the idea that we need an external source to give us greater self-awareness, but think of it like this: Self-awareness is understanding yourself on a deeper level. But if you only look at yourself from one angle (from the inside out) you can’t see the entire picture. You need more angles.
The bottom line is this. The way you are perceived by the people that care the most is invaluable to becoming your best self.
So… how are you perceived? How can you find out other people’s perception of you?
Simple. Just ask. Like… today. Like… right now.