We're all adults here, right?
Dear Josh,
What’s an “adult.” I actually looked that word up to see what it really means. A Google search tells me that it means “a person who is fully grown or developed.” That sounds about right.
But the “adults” around here seem to have a problem. We are fully grown, but we’re not fully developed. Yes, our limbs are done growing and we’re going to start getting shorter before we get taller, but what about emotionally? Relationally? Spiritually? Psychologically?
Those can each be topics (or even books) of their own, but I want to stick to one.
Social development. I see one place in our social development that is SEVERELY limiting our ability to be adults. Our conversational maturity or lack thereof.
Have you ever been around a group of kids that just met each other? It’s a beautiful scene and it goes something like this:
One little kid walks (or runs) up to another and blurts out, “What’s your name? I like your shirt, but your shoes look funny.”
As adults, we shudder when our kid is the one mentioning the funny shoes… but what if the shoes DO look funny? That’s okay, isn’t it? What if I do put an ugly shirt on my kid? No harm in that, right?
Let me be clear. I’m NOT saying as adults that we need to point out everything we disagree with when it comes to another person. In fact, that’s the mess that we are in right now. And it’s immature, selfish and destructive (yes, I see the irony in writing a sentence that points out the fault of a group of people to make a point about not pointing out faults in other people).
The point is this. Our toddlers are having more complex social interactions than we adults are. Since my passion is in the health space, I’m going to talk about conversations around our health. I will warn you, you may be offended, but please… read and re-read the words if necessary. Listen to what I’m actually trying to say.
Adult conversations should go like this:
I love you. I do. And because I love you, I have to tell you that thing you’re doing is killing you. Literally. It’s taking your life one bite, one swallow, one bad decision at a time. Now look me in the eye and answer honestly. Not your Oprah answer. Not the answer your family or your mom or your boss expects you to give. I’m talking about the real, cold, hard, unobfuscated truth. Not the one you want to give me face to face, but the one you tell yourself when it’s just you talking inside your head.
Do you truly want to get healthier or are you okay living a shorter life so you can enjoy all the foods and vices that you want? It’s up to you. If you opt for the shorter life, then live it up good. Make an impact while you’re here. That’s 100% your decision to make.
But… if you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired… if you’re finally ready for a change… if in your grown-up voice you can say that you’ve surely had enough and you’re ready for some help, I have some great news. You CAN do it. I don’t care what that voice inside your head says. If your inside voice is anything like mine, it says stupid things all the time. It’s not to be trusted.
You see, love is honest, but more so love is kind and sincere. Love is full of grace and void of judgment. Love is as far as you can get from self-serving and as close as you can get to empathy. This is how adult conversations should go.
But they don’t.
We avoid difficult conversations with people that we love because it’s risky and uncomfortable. But if a conversation can save someone’s life, would we have it then?
Because we’re not.
Stop judging. Stop posting stupid comments on Facebook. Stop demeaning people to make your own brokenness seem a little more palatable. Stop.
And if there is someone in your life that you love dearly, have the conversation. Push them to be their best self. And by all means, do NOT do it for your sake.
Sincerely,
Your Better Self
P.S. Let me be VERY clear. When it comes to “health” I am NOT talking merely about weight. There are plenty of skinny and incredibly unhealthy people out there. I’m talking about HEALTH. 😀👍🏻